The End Result

I have told my abortion story for quite a few years to quite a few people and the details are important.

The place was packed with people.
Everything was stark. White floors and walls. Hard, plastic chairs.
The workers there were rude.
I did not have an ultrasound.
I never heard the heartbeat.
I was shown a video of a bunch of red circles. I was told it was "just a bunch of cells."
I was asked by the counselor, "Will that be Visa or MasterCard today? It cost $250.
The abortionist never introduced himself. He didn't acknowledge me in any way.
I was yelled at by the assistant.
Girls were crying all around me in the recovery room.
I had peanut butter and jelly toast.
I had no idea of the years of pain and shame and guilt that would follow.

My abortion was in 1990. In conversations with others I have been told, "Abortions aren't like that anymore."

The walls are painted, the furniture comfy and cozy. ALL risks are discussed and the patient is asked if she is sure about it. Ultrasounds are routinely performed before an abortion.(Whether women are allowed to see them is another matter) The staff are nice and friendly. The abortionists are nice and talk with you. Abortion doulas are provided in some places and a recovery package(with condoms!)is sometimes given out. The price is around $400.

In these conversations it doesn't take long to realize that the other person wants to convince me and herself that abortions in this "day and age" are now safer, better, and more empowering than ever before.

Doesn't matter though does it? The place could be named The Happy Rainbows and Unicorns Women's Center for Choice Day Spa. All walls could be painted deep, rich, vibrant colors. The furniture lovely and inviting. The plants lush and green. The air smelling beautifully of burning, scented candles. The staff smiley and helpful, kind and caring. The abortionist a sweet, talkative, supportive guy. The ultrasound of the baby explained in detail. A massage, pedicure and Chai Tea Latte offered afterwards. All girls could leave laughing. Doesn't matter.

The intent of an abortion is to kill. Ending the life of an innocent preborn human being is the result of an abortion. One dead, one wounded.

Dress it up anyway you would like. Abortion kills.

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
-Isaiah 5:20

Babies

Nathan and Tim love the babies and wanted to see them before they left for school this morning.

The Retreat

What is on my mind? The precious weekend at Rachel's Vineyard. I wish that ALL of those that are proabortion could sit and listen to hours of excruciating personal abortion stories. But they do not get that privilege. I do. As a facilitator, I was on holy ground this weekend. Bearing the pain, loving these women through and watching Jesus work. He moved through our group...healing, forgiving, touching, loving, transforming. How blessed I feel to be a part of such sacred work. WHAT BRAVE, COURAGEOUS WOMEN I MET!! I love you so much.
Our babies are safe and we honor them and love them and will someday hold them in heaven. Aubrey, Jamie, Lee, Faith, Matthew, Hannah, Sherman, Daniel, Trinity, Jody Marie, Zacheray, Amaria, Benjamin.

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see.

Lillian

These are photos of Lillian, Jamie and her adoptive mother Kristen. Jamie heard my abortion story and when she later became pregnant she chose life and put Lillian up for adoption. Thank you Lord!!

Excellent!!

PRO-LIFE QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"Imagine, for a second, that you are going in for surgery to have your appendix removed, and nobody actually says the word "appendix" or mentions that the goal is to take it out of you; instead, the whole thing is so wrapped in euphemism that you can't quite tell what it is the doctors plan to remove, or why. Would someone choosing an appendectomy under those circumstances really be making a free choice? Why, then, do we insist that the only way a woman can make a free choice to have an abortion is if we never actually talk about what she's having removed and killed?"

"But the truth is, most people who support abortion think women should be able to choose to kill their unborn offspring without ever having to contemplate what it is they are actually doing. If women began to see the unborn human inside them for the unique, alive, child he or she is, it would be a lot harder to give the kill order. And that would have repercussions on our society's mad addiction to sex without consequences. To protect that obsession, we're perfectly willing to keep women in the dark about what they're actually doing when they enter an abortion clinic pregnant, and come out the mother of a dead child."

-- Erin Manning, author of http://redcardigan.blogspot.com/

Haiku

just a bunch of cells
i bought the lies that hurt me
and killed my baby


so simple and quick
yet I grieve for years and years
abortion hurt me


dream of you and I
jumping off the table to
save your life and mine


cs

CLOSED!

Regions Hospital in St. Paul, MN has announced that it will close it's abortion mill!! I have spent many hours praying outside of Regions in 4 of the 7 40 Days for Life campaigns. So grateful to all who have worked tirelessly from inside and outside to close the mill!!

Banquet for LIFE 2011!!

We raised $9400 for the River Falls Pregnancy Helpline Life Care Center!! My abortion story and Jill's story were well received! Thank you so much for the prayers and support!!

Prolife Day of Silent Solidarity

Research!

A refreshing change from Susan G Komen who gives to Planned Parenthood. Enjoy a cup at Dunn Brothers!

My Next Gig!!

Prayed

against the evil perpetrated here in Duluth, MN.

My Daughter

Dearest Aubrey,

21 years ago today in my fear and ignorance you died in my abortion. I didn't know then what I know now. Sweet girl, the day you died is also the day you went to heaven. Though your mother had forsaken you, the Lord received you!(Psalm 27:10)One day(soon and very soon!)you will run to me. You will run to me and I will finally hold you in my arms. Until then, my love I will grieve with hope and long for that glorious day when I behold my precious Savior and my precious daughter.

I love you,

Mommy

AMEN!

Sometimes I would like to ask God why he allows poverty,

famine and injustice in the world, when He could do something about it...but I'm afraid

He may ask me the same question.

-Anonymous

Discussion

I read Abby Johnson's blog post where she stated that women who abort are not victims. I disagreed and Jill Stanek wrote up the weekend question here.

Emily's Poem

Emily Claire Hebert

October 1974

An extra X chromosome was what the amnio would show

as they tried to explain it, but they really didn’t know,

whether mild or profound your disability would be,

So it was suggested an abortion, for you and for me.

The Dr. would do a hysterectomy, along with taking you,

no more babies in the future as we struggled with what to do.

Your sister was two, had Down Syndrome with special needs,

you had two older siblings, so we consented to this cruel deed.

If someone could have counseled, stressed the heartache to come

from taking our baby’s life, this act would not have been done.

Immediately, I regretted the grievous choice we made,

but, there was no changing what happened that fatal day.

For 35 years now back in some dusty corner of my mind,

This haunting fact resurfaced once again from time to time.

It was painful to dwell upon it, so I’d quickly shut it out.

“How could we? We had no right.”, I’d want to cry and shout.

I’ve thought of all the joys we’ve forever missed

knowing you, hugging you and never being kissed.

What color was your hair? Did you have blue eyes?

Would you have been a happy child? Did the Dr. tell me lies?

I wish so very much we’d had a chance to meet,

To hold you, to love you and to see your tiny feet.

To hear your laughter, to know your sweet smile,

to always have you with us, our daughter, my child.

A mother’s suppose to nurture and protect their unborn

Not abolish or destroy, like an soul that’s been shorn.

I’ve prayed for God’s forgiveness, but could not forgive me;

the shame, the guilt and sadness, never would it leave.

I acknowledge forgiveness was always within my reach.

Jesus suffered for my sins when God sent his son to teach;

lessons about living, obeying, understanding right from wrong,

to grow in peace and love, along with keeping our faith strong.

I’ve learn whatever the Lord sends us, he gives us strength to cope,

Let not despair guide us, to believe in God’s message there’s hope.

You are my special angel, in heaven, awaiting patiently,

and I’m so eager to see you, when my soul has been set free.

Karen Hebert

8/18/09

I Love a Parade

I am so proud of my husband and eldest son who marched at the front with the banner for the Pregnancy Center!! Someone stopped me after the parade to say, "There should be thousands of us marching with you!!" That would be nice.

Precious Friends

A friend in the fight, Gerard Nadal Phd has written a very touching blog post about my abortion story. I taped an episode of the show Faces of Abortion 2 years ago. The post is here.

God bless those who stand with women who have been hurt by abortion and have found their way to healing. We have found our voices because God has loved us through you.

Thank you Gerry, for drawing the sword over post abortive women.

Operation Outcry

The Justice Foundation and Operation Outcry were part of a truly historic moment in Texas this past week. The Texas Sonogram Bill was signed by Governor Rick Perry and ladies of Operation Outcry and I were invited to be part of the signing ceremony. Go here to find out more and to see pictures and video from the ceremony. I want to personally contact you to say thank you. Thank you from my heart because we could not do what we need to do without your support. For the ladies of Operation Outcry that were present at the signing, this was another level of healing for them.

They now know the law requires that women be given the chance to make an informed decision, an opportunity they were not granted.

Sincerely,

Allan Parker
The Justice Foundation

From a Friend in the Fight

I am the youngest, the smallest

the most innocent

They take me to places that shout

with hot pink

how much they love women

Places that they have legalized

in attempts to make

themselves feel better

About the choices they made

that brought about my life

in the first place

Mom hesitated when she placed the call

but she’ll make the trip anyway

have the procedure

By late tomorrow she’ll be in a daze

and I’ll be dead

Her actions and feelings buried deep

my body dumped

I will live on in those

who recognize my beauty

see themselves in me

Those who fought,

cried, and prayed

for my right to live

Soon they’ll all see my worth

and look back with great shame

on the days

They chose to kill

the youngest, the smallest

the most innocent

-Praxedes

Good Friday Prayer Vigil 2011

Thousands of people came out to pray against abortion today. Amazing!

btw One of the Planned Parenthood proaborts held a sign that stated how much $$$ they had raised. $22,000!!! Looks to me as if they don't need any federal funds after all.

Thoughts from Facebook

I'm tired. I'm tired of reading the absolute hatred others have for post abortive women. The anger and rage and contempt for those that abort. I have been on the receiving end of it enough. I know the enemy I am fighting. I WILL STAND with those that take the risk to get help after hearing how worthless they are as human beings for aborting. NO ONE is beyond the saving mercy and grace of Christ.

It hurts. It hurts to read the ugliness over and over and over and I long to take these women by the hand that are staying silent and in bondage. Are they not daughters of the King?
The woman that aborted on Friday....is she not HIS?? Is he not weeping over her today? Longing to not have this distance between them?

It is only LOVE that led me back to Him!! I know it's hard. I know it is hard to understand and fathom and wonder WHY WHY WHY??? WHY do women have abortions? Jesus knows. The woman at the well and the woman caught in adultery saw in His face something they had NEVER experienced from anyone else.

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. Psalm18:19

Thanks for Nothing, Herb

Dear Mrs. Stream:



Thank you for taking the time to share your views with me.



I appreciate knowing of your concerns regarding Planned Parenthood organizations receiving Federal funds. Title X of the Public Health Services Act provides grants to public and private nonprofit agencies which provide voluntary family planning services, including natural planning methods and supplies, infertility services, and basic gynecologic care. I support Title X funding because I believe that it is in the best interest of our nation to take steps to promote preventive health care such as cancer screenings, breast exams, and HIV testing, as well as to reduce the occurrence of unwanted pregnancies. Grantees include state and local health departments, hospitals, and organizations such as Planned Parenthood. No Title X money can be used to provide abortion services.



On February 17, 2011, Representative Mike Pence (R-IN) introduced an amendment, H.AMDT.95, to H.R. 1, the Full-Year Continuing Appropriations Act, which would block all federal funding of Planned Parenthood. This amendment was agreed to by a vote of 240 to 185 and, on February 19, 2011, the House passed H.R. 1 by a vote of 235 to 189. The Senate voted on H.R. 1 on March 9, 2011. The bill was not agreed to by a vote of 44 to 56.



Thank you again for taking the time to contact me. I will keep in mind your concerns should the Senate consider legislation affecting Title X funding in the future.






Sincerely,
Herb Kohl
United States Senator

The Doozy Award

I have been a moderator at Jill Stanek's for almost 3 years. Always an education when I jump on a thread and have a conversation. I have read so many comments from pro aborts about my abortion story but the following would have to take the cake so far!! My answers are in bold.

********************

So Carla has had an abortion, or was she just saying that to prove a point? Because if so, what makes you think that you are so special that YOU deserve to get an abortion while all other women with unwanted pregnancies don’t deserve one? Your sense of entitlement is shocking.

My abortion was the most horrifying experience of my life. We are not talking about a trip to Disney World for goodness sakes!

Shocking? LOL

Oh and my daughter who died in my abortion? She deserved to live.

Carla, thank you for sharing your story. I watched the video of you at Faith Community Church on your blog. I think it is very sad that you got an abortion when that wasn’t the right choice for you. That being said, what is right for you is not right for everyone. And you know yourself better than you know anyone else, so if you made the wrong choice for yourself, how can you expect that you would make the right choice for other people? No one forced you to choose abortion, and I am sorry if you regret it, but you chose it and other women have that same right of choice. Just because abortion was the wrong choice for you, doesn’t mean it is the wrong choice for everyone.

Thank you for watching my story. It means a lot to me that you did!!

And I have to ask you again how in the world I would know that abortion was WRONG for me(in addition to how wrong it was for my baby girl)until I went through with it? There was no one in my life telling me anything different. The mill certainly wasn’t interested in showing me the truth and I was in crisis. If I had known then(20 years ago)what I know now…………..

Do you always know how things will turn out before you do them?

In my case you must not have been paying very close attention. I never had a pregnancy test or an ultrasound. I was lied to by omission when told IT was just a bunch of cells. I was 10 weeks along!!! Later on I miscarried my 2nd child into my hand and saw a tiny fully formed human baby! Not a bunch of red circles.

Google fetal development at 10 weeks. Go on. I know you want to.

Stare at that image awhile. Feast your eyes.

Here I’ll help. http://www.baby2see.com/development/week10.html

How is it choice when women aren’t given informed consent, are pressured by those around them to abort, coerced by lies, forced by boyfriends or abandoned to “do whatever you think is right for you?”

It’s not. It is not choice when one is left with no choice.

Abortion was more than “the wrong choice” for me.(I made a wrong choice today to leave my mittens at home.) One more time. I was pregnant when I walked into that mill. My daughter’s tiny body was suctioned through a vacuum tube and put in a bottle to be pieced back together. She died that day. I left her there. I walked out a very wounded woman and still a mother.

Why in the world would I NOT tell others that abortion hurts women? Abortion kills children. Abortion will never solve, help, heal or empower.

Oh and just food for thought here when speaking or writing and you say I’m sorry BUT….it cancels out the I’m sorry.

If you have had an abortion and are struggling or know of someone who is please get in touch with me. My deepest pain has become my greatest passion.

carla@jillstanek.com

Thanks For Nothing, Ron

Dear Carla:

Thank you for contacting me regarding abortion and abortion related services. I appreciate hearing from you.

Abortion is a difficult and divisive issue. I do not believe the federal government should be entrusted to make a very personal medical decision of this nature. Instead, I have more faith in the judgment of the woman and her physician to make the right decision based on her own personal beliefs and faith. Furthermore, I believe that all of us must do more to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, particularly teenage pregnancies, as well as support efforts to make adoption more widely available.

We must also educate teenagers about the dangers of unprotected sex and encourage parents to talk openly with their children about these issues. Recent surveys have shown several positive trends concerning teenage sexual activity and contraceptive use. Statistics demonstrate stabilization in teen sexual activity, a decline in teen pregnancy, and an increase in contraceptive use. Yet, the United States continues to face an adolescent reproductive health crisis. The rates of teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STD), and human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infections remain unacceptably high.

I believe that abortions should be rare, safe and should be the result of careful consideration between a woman, her family, her doctor and her clergy. I do not believe the federal government should be entrusted to make a very personal decision of this nature. Instead, I have more faith in the judgment of the woman and her physician to make the right decision based on her own personal beliefs and faith.

I believe we need to comprehensively expand access to preventive reproductive health care services and education programs, help reduce unintended pregnancies, increase access to family planning services, prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, and reduce the need for abortion. These vital resources have already benefited our state-wide communities.

Again, thank you for contacting me. Please do not hesitate to be in touch with additional comments or questions. I also encourage you to visit my website, www.house.gov/kind, where you can find updated information, sign up to receive my electronic newsletter, and send me e-mail.

Sincerely,

Ron Kind
Member of Congress

**********************************

I receive this same generic blah, blah blah letter EVERY.TIME. I email Ron Kind about abortion!!

March for Life 2011 St. Paul, MN

That's me. In the red sweater. Rubbing my nose.

Facing the Truth

The cause of any and every woman’s pain after abortion is that your baby died in your abortion. A child was conceived and you had been pregnant and every mom out there KNOWS this. There is no way to explain away the fact that a woman is pregnant with a growing, fully alive human child when she walks into an abortion clinic and that the life of her child is ended by the time you walk out that door. In fact your child’s body was torn to pieces and then pieced back together to make sure that the “uterine contents” were removed.

When that realization hits that you paid for the death of your innocent, growing child there can be a facing of that truth. Once you face it head on you can find hope and healing. Facing the truth brings you out of denial and the healing can begin.

Anger

I have righteous anger!! It takes everything I’ve got not to rant when I hear about how “safe” abortion is and how there are no risks or complications or that I am mentally ill for FINALLY realizing my daughter was KILLED in my abortion and I deeply regret it!

I am angry that I was freaking LIED to at the clinic and was so desperate I couldn’t think straight. I am angry that I was yelled at there and treated so rudely. I am angry that I was ever there that day!

I am angry that proaborts want to silence me, ridicule me, and trivialize my experience.

I am angry that my grief is dismissed time and time again as though I am some lunatic grieving a "bunch of cells."

I am angry that telling my abortion story is looked upon as “having an agenda” while a woman saying she has never given a whit about her abortion is just being “honest.”

I am angry that so many that claim to be prolife continue to regard me as a slut who couldn’t keep her legs closed! OR that I should have known better and I got what I paid for!

BUT God continually helps me keep my wits about me and try to communicate even when it falls on deaf ears. He knows my heart. How can I keep silent??!!

Well. I guess THAT was a rant!!

To You

A Christmas letter to post-abortive mothers

Dear Moms,

If you have had an abortion you regret and are in need of help, I am thinking of you this Christmas season. You are always on my mind but this season as family gets together I think of you and wonder if you are remembering a child that might be alive today that might have joined you and held that special spot in your family had they lived.

I think of you and wonder if you have reached out for help yet. If you regret your abortion there is help and hope and healing for you. There are women that have been where you are and are waiting to help you. I am waiting to help you.

I am a woman that has been through an abortion experience that I deeply regret and grieve the baby that died that day. I understand what you may be thinking or feeling. I have been there. I know too well the realization of what I paid for in my fear and desperation. I found my way out of the darkness and so can you. You are not alone.

I am imploring you right now to reach out. You need only Google abortion recovery, call your nearest PRC or email me. God has placed it on my heart to be here for you. To hold out my hand to you and walk with you on the journey of abortion recovery. I can hardly bear the thought that you are suffering in silence like I did.

My prayer for you is that God gives you the strength to find Him – that He would help you realize how precious you are to Him. You are His daughter. Nothing you have done is beyond His forgiveness, beyond His grace. He is waiting for you to draw near to Him.

If you find yourself struggling after your abortion, please reach out. God bless you and yours this Christmas season.

I love you,
Carla

P.S. – The stockings pictured above are hung with care every year. Aubrey died in my abortion. Jamie and Lee were miscarried. They have their own special place in our family.

********************************

Jill Stanek allowed me to share my heart this season with this post.

My Babies

They are waiting for me in heaven.

Oh Yeah

By family planning I think they mean abortion. How much family planning does Planned Parenthood do? All they offer is abortion!

Jill Stanek

Jill explaining holding a baby born alive after an induced labor abortion. She held a little boy with Down Syndrome for 45 minutes until he took his last breath. Her story is here.
An 11 year old girl came up with her mother to chat with Jill about being prolife.
I met with Jill at a banquet for the Woodbury Pregnancy Options. I have been a moderator on her blog for 2 1/2 years. The money raised at the banquet is going to purchase an ultrasound machine. Ultrasounds save lives!! 80% of moms that see the ultrasound do not abort.

UPDATE The banquet raised $40,000!!

Jill and I stayed out yapping until midnight. Still paying for that.

A Poem for Planned Parenthood

Ignore the pain

Your head we fill

Swallow the lies

Swallow the pill

If you ever hurt

about the killing

Don’t call us for help

We aren’t willing

We care about women

We care we say

Will that be Visa or Mastercard

today?

-CS