THANK YOU for praying this morning!! I believe almost 50 of you were praying when I asked you to in my facebook post.
I went with my friends Cathy and Jared.
There were 3 couples going into Planned Parenthood when we got there. Brian Gibson tried giving one couple a pamphlet and a security guard tried grabbing it out of Brian's hand. Brian said he would call the police and the guard kept chiding him about that. We stood and prayed.
So many cars in and out. Always Jimmy John's for lunch. Always the Medical Disposal Systems truck to carry away the broken and bloodied bodies of innocent human beings.
There was one woman that was in the passenger side heading into the parking lot who stared at my sign the whole time. I prayed that a seed of doubt was firmly planted in her mind. That she would turn from abortion.
Every time I go God gives me a song. (No I don't sing out loud)Today it was- I believe in God our Father I believe in Christ the Son I believe in the Holy Spirit Our God is three in One I believe in the resurrection That we will rise again For I believe In the Name of Jesus.
Jared pulled out his phone and shared a message with the PP escorts. "Consider what you are doing. Do not support the shedding of innocent blood." So proud of him!! Pray for the escorts.
I was flipped off at least 3 times. I smiled and waved and prayed for them. I was once that angry too.
A man drove up to explain that we were doing it wrong. That our signs were not effective. That a sign should say THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS. WE ARE HERE TO HELP. I told him maybe God was prompting HIM to make that sign and join us.
A woman drove out of the PP driveway with a big smile and a thumbs up. She pulled over and rolled down her window and said, "I CHANGED MY MIND!! IT'S TWINS!!" ohmyheart I ran up to Jared who was still talking to the man who told us we made no difference. "SHE JUST CHOSE LIFE!! SHE IS CARRYING TWINS!!"
The Lord has us on that sidewalk for His reasons. His purposes. He can work through anyone at anytime and He does what pleases Him. And we are obedient. I have been shaking and crying tears of joy and covered in goosebumps that I got to witness a mom CHOOSE LIFE for herself and her precious babies!!
All glory and honor and praise to you Lord!!
Love in Christ,
The first Wednesday of every month I go to the nation's 3rd largest Planned Parenthood in St. Paul, MN to pray. I bring friends from my church who would like a ride. And we pray. We pray against abortion and we pray for the mothers and fathers driving in. We pray for the sidewalk counselors speaking words of truth and life. We pray for the escorts and the abortionists and every single worker there that they turn from the evil work they are doing and that God opens their eyes. We pray for the mothers and fathers that went through with it that they one day find true hope and healing in Jesus Christ.
It is never easy. I don't want to go but I feel God calling me to go and I will be obedient.
Proverbs 24:11-12 Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. 12 If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?
I became the State Team Leader of Operation Outcry in 2007. I helped to gather declarations and pointed post abortive women and men to the website to fill one out. They are filed as friend of the court briefs in prolife legislation and they have helped to pass so many prolife laws that are on the books across the US!! Mine and Aubrey's story is a part of that.
If you have been hurt by abortion go to this link and fill out a declaration and help us pass more and more prolife legislation in 2017! Thank you!
26 years ago today I paid someone to take the life of my first child. I will grieve my daughter. I will grieve with hope because I will see her again. Thank you Lord for your forgiveness and healing after abortion. For you never ending grace and mercy over me. For leading me out of the darkness and into the light. For blessing me with a family that loves and knows and understands. Thank you also Lord for post abortive friends who know the lifelong burden. And other mommies who have lost children and turn to You for comfort in their sorrow and grieve with hope right along with me. I love you, Aubrey. I am yours and you are mine.
A couple of years ago my daughter Sarah started coming with me to the Good Friday Prayer Vigil at the Planned Parenthood in St. Paul, MN. Her first time I explained that on the other side of the barricade there were those that were proabortion. That they sometimes yelled things when they saw my I Regret My Abortion sign. Sarah said, "I can hold it for you, Mom."
24 years since my abortion and my story changes. Changes in how I perceive it and what I want to say about it.
It is something I did. It is not who I am. My abortion does not define me. God defines me.
Now more than anything I want people to know the truth about abortion. I want women and men that are in bondage to the aftermath to find forgiveness and freedom in Christ. From the darkness to the light. I want others to see how God has used my experience to bring glory to Him! He redeems the pain of my past! He restores to me the years that the locusts have eaten! He brings beauty from ashes! I will finally be healed when I meet Him face to face. I will carry the regret for the rest of my days as a consequence of that choice. I will continue to share my experience in whatever way pleases Him. It is not only my story. It is His.
After being a moderator on Jill Stanek's blog I decided I to step down. 6 YEARS!! Such an amazing journey I had there! I have met such articulate, genuine, loving people who have become treasured friends. I initially started reading in 2007 and started commenting in 2008. Jill asked me to moderate after that. I wanted to share my experience of being a post abortive mom and shine a light on the REAL tragedy, regret and grief of abortion. I learned quickly that those that are proabortion do not appreciate putting a face and a name to abortion pain. Abortion must be encouraged and supported and celebrated! I received the most amazing education on what some that are proabortion actually believe and think! I also found some that truly were on the fence and over the years turned to a prolife stance.
I also had the privilege of being contacted by post abortive moms through the blog. They emailed me and called me and texted me. I tried to find resources for abortion recovery in their areas and am happy to learn that so many have found healing in Christ!!
Jill has been a mentor/friend for so long and I must admit that it isn't easy to leave what has become a very special place for me. But I know that it isn't really goodbye. :)
I wrote a blog post for Jill and you will find it here.
When confronted by me on facebook over her plagiarism of my letters, Hannah Rose Allen wrote this.
"Carla, I am truly sorry. I ask you to please pray about this. Can you please forgive me? I did not maliciously try to take your letter. I can change the letter and take out anything similar to yours or take the letter down completely. Nobody will take me seriously and my story will lose credibility and the pro-life movement will be hurt. Can't we as sisters in the Lord work this out between us?"
I wrote about this experience that happened to me last Saturday. It has not been an easy week but since writing has always been cathartic for me I expressed my thoughts and feelings here and my dear friend Jill Stanek posted it.
I continue to tell my story. I continue to reach out to post abortive women or those in the valley of decision. I continue to moderate Jill's blog. I continue to chase my four children like a lunatic and find joy in the journey. I will go where the Lord calls me to go and I will never stop telling others that abortion hurts women.
And just so you know how very serious plagiarism is I give you this.
According to the Modern Language Association plagiarism "is the act of using another person's ideas or expressions in your writing without acknowledging the source...In short, to plagiarize is to give the impression that you have written or thought something that you have in fact borrowed from someone else."
Every year for my high school students they have to read the rules and consequences about plagiarism. They have to sign and so do I. They understand that if they copy something and give the impression that they wrote it they risk failing that class!
I am sure my little old nothing blog was easy enough to lift some lines from. I mean nobody would know right? It's just a love letter tucked away in the interwebs. Well this mother knew. This mother knew the words of love she penned to her own daughter. Replacing my Aubrey's name with her son's name was blatant. And hurtful. And I don't believe that Hannah Rose Allen even knows or understands that.
This is my friend Kelly Peterson. She passed away on October 9th of this year. She fought cancer valiantly.
Kelly was very special to me for so many reasons. When I met Kelly she told me about her 2 abortions and I felt a great respect and admiration for her. She attended my church and I was no longer alone!! She was one of the first in my church family to be honest about her experience. We spoke together at UW-Madison with Operation Outcry. She stood with me and our I Regret My Abortion signs when Obama came to St. Paul. We shared our abortion stories because we believed that maybe others would NOT make the same devastating choice.
Kelly will always be with me. Her strength and faith are such an inspiration. She has passed the torch to me in the prolife movement. Praying I can fight the good fight. Just as she did!!
I have been out sidewalk counseling at the nation's 3rd largest abortion mill in St. Paul, MN. I do not enjoy going. But I do because I feel called to do it. To be there. To stand and offer to women what I wanted 22 years ago before my abortion.
We get a lot of thumbs up and honks and waves of encouragement. A trucker rolled down his window today and yelled, "Good for you! Give em hell!" Will do.
But there is also the middle fingers, the swearing, the yelling. One woman today flipped me off and was yelling obscenities with her windows rolled up. If that doesn't speak to post abortive rage I don't know what does. I smiled and waved.
A young woman pulled in the driveway and she hesitated as I held out the pamphlets. She went in with her friend even though I asked her to come talk to me. They came out soon after. I smiled and waved.
There were no PP escorts out there at all today. I really wanted to talk to some. I wanted to chat.
A staff meeting must have been going on because all of the others that drove in were employees. I smiled and waved.
This is my new gig. My newest antics in the prolife movement. It seems fruitless at times but I may never know what my sign means to someone else.
22 years ago today I was in the valley of decision. I didn't know what to do. I was pregnant, alone and afraid. I walked through the door of the Meadowbrook mill in Minneapolis, MN. You died 22 years ago today in my abortion and I walked out that door emotionally and spiritually wounded.
I miss you. Every year my longing for you grows and I can hardly wait to see you in heaven. You will run to me sweet girl. You will run to me across that meadow of wildflowers and jump into my arms and I will be healed. The waiting and the grief will be over and we will be together for eternity. How I long for that day. You are so beautiful. I imagine your sweet smile. I bet you look at lot like your sister Sarah.
I need you. I need you in my life. Our story has changed hearts and lives Aubrey. I keep telling it and people keep listening. There are children alive today because I have shared. I will never stop telling our story and I am very proud of you for helping to save lives!
I remember you. I remember feeling happy at times that I was pregnant with you. Happy that maybe I could do it. I could have you. I daydreamed awhile about maybe getting my own place and having you. I could not overcome my fear and desperation by myself. Now that I remember you with love God has been healing my heart. I will never forsake my daughter again.
I protect you. People sometimes don't understand the depth of my feelings or the nature of my grief. They simply do not comprehend a mother's love for a child that has died in her abortion. I grieve because I love. In your honor and in your memory I will press on. When they say despicable things about you or your mom it doesn't matter because God has us both. We are what He says we are. His.
I love you. I love you more today than I ever have. My heart is so filled with love for you precious girl. I am so happy to be your mom! You are never far from my thoughts. You are part of my heart, part of my family.
Today I will cry and light a candle. I will buy flowers for us and I will kneel by my baby stone and I will be still. I will cry out to God in my lament and He will hear and answer. He is taking care of you. I know that you love me and that you wait for me and that soon and very soon we will be together.
Shame on you who call us murderers. Shame on you who condemn a grieving mother who regrets her abortion. You are hurting the very women I am trying to reach!! We have a right to grieve our children and will do so without the support of certain "prolifers." And just how many post abortive women have you led to the forgiveness of Jesus Christ by calling them murderers? Your lack of grace and mercy is nauseating. Truly. Thankful today that the Holy Spirit convicts and Jesus rescues His daughters from the darkness that abortion brings.
I have been told that my daughter Aubrey who died in my abortion is in hell. And is waiting for me there. We will burn together. I have been told that she is in purgatory and I have to pray her into heaven and she is praying me to heaven as well. I have been told that she will face her abortionist one day and have words with him. I have been told that to write letters to her is communicating with the dead. I have been told that she is angry with me and I have to wait to ask her forgiveness and see if she will forgive me.
I believe none of the above. One of the most precious books I have ever read is I'll Hold You in Heaven by Jack Hayford. God's truth about Aubrey allows me to grieve with hope.
Aubrey is in heaven. She is seeing God's face. She loves me. She is waiting for me. I am her mommy and she is my daughter. She will run to me one day.
I have never seen the turnout that we had yesterday! 3200 faithful prolifers were there throughout the day praying for the end of abortion, praying for healing and forgiveness after abortion, for the PP supporters that were there and also for the mommies that came for their abortions. One baby and mommy were saved from abortion!!
My daughter Sarah came with me and a also a couple of friends. I had already told Sarah that I would be carrying my sign and people sometimes say stupid things to me. She said she would carry my I Regret My Abortion sign for me. :)
The building is massive. The biggest mill I have ever seen with my own eyes. It made my heart ache just to be there and I felt an immediate heaviness. Walking by those that are proabortion just felt ugly and dark and nasty. I held my sign and so many averted their eyes from mine and continued their chanting. "Pro! Pro! Choice! Choice!" Bleh. I prayed for them in their deception.
My God is bigger than that building. The God I love was watching over us and hearing our prayers. I was so encouraged by the turnout and the fact that I just might be sidewalk counseling out there someday!
My daughter Aubrey would have been 21 years old this month. I Regret My Abortion.
I have told my abortion story for quite a few years to quite a few people and the details are important.
The place was packed with people.
Everything was stark. White floors and walls. Hard, plastic chairs.
The workers there were rude.
I did not have an ultrasound.
I never heard the heartbeat.
I was shown a video of a bunch of red circles. I was told it was "just a bunch of cells."
I was asked by the counselor, "Will that be Visa or MasterCard today? It cost $250.
The abortionist never introduced himself. He didn't acknowledge me in any way.
I was yelled at by the assistant.
Girls were crying all around me in the recovery room.
I had peanut butter and jelly toast.
I had no idea of the years of pain and shame and guilt that would follow.
My abortion was in 1990. In conversations with others I have been told, "Abortions aren't like that anymore."
The walls are painted, the furniture comfy and cozy. ALL risks are discussed and the patient is asked if she is sure about it. Ultrasounds are routinely performed before an abortion.(Whether women are allowed to see them is another matter) The staff are nice and friendly. The abortionists are nice and talk with you. Abortion doulas are provided in some places and a recovery package(with condoms!)is sometimes given out. The price is around $400.
In these conversations it doesn't take long to realize that the other person wants to convince me and herself that abortions in this "day and age" are now safer, better, and more empowering than ever before.
Doesn't matter though does it? The place could be named The Happy Rainbows and Unicorns Women's Center for Choice Day Spa. All walls could be painted deep, rich, vibrant colors. The furniture lovely and inviting. The plants lush and green. The air smelling beautifully of burning, scented candles. The staff smiley and helpful, kind and caring. The abortionist a sweet, talkative, supportive guy. The ultrasound of the baby explained in detail. A massage, pedicure and Chai Tea Latte offered afterwards. All girls could leave laughing. Doesn't matter.
The intent of an abortion is to kill. Ending the life of an innocent preborn human being is the result of an abortion. One dead, one wounded.
Dress it up anyway you would like. Abortion kills.
Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! -Isaiah 5:20
What is on my mind? The precious weekend at Rachel's Vineyard. I wish that ALL of those that are proabortion could sit and listen to hours of excruciating personal abortion stories. But they do not get that privilege. I do. As a facilitator, I was on holy ground this weekend. Bearing the pain, loving these women through and watching Jesus work. He moved through our group...healing, forgiving, touching, loving, transforming. How blessed I feel to be a part of such sacred work. WHAT BRAVE, COURAGEOUS WOMEN I MET!! I love you so much.
Our babies are safe and we honor them and love them and will someday hold them in heaven. Aubrey, Jamie, Lee, Faith, Matthew, Hannah, Sherman, Daniel, Trinity, Jody Marie, Zacheray, Amaria, Benjamin.
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see.
"Imagine, for a second, that you are going in for surgery to have your appendix removed, and nobody actually says the word "appendix" or mentions that the goal is to take it out of you; instead, the whole thing is so wrapped in euphemism that you can't quite tell what it is the doctors plan to remove, or why. Would someone choosing an appendectomy under those circumstances really be making a free choice? Why, then, do we insist that the only way a woman can make a free choice to have an abortion is if we never actually talk about what she's having removed and killed?"
"But the truth is, most people who support abortion think women should be able to choose to kill their unborn offspring without ever having to contemplate what it is they are actually doing. If women began to see the unborn human inside them for the unique, alive, child he or she is, it would be a lot harder to give the kill order. And that would have repercussions on our society's mad addiction to sex without consequences. To protect that obsession, we're perfectly willing to keep women in the dark about what they're actually doing when they enter an abortion clinic pregnant, and come out the mother of a dead child."
-- Erin Manning, author of http://redcardigan.blogspot.com/
Regions Hospital in St. Paul, MN has announced that it will close it's abortion mill!! I have spent many hours praying outside of Regions in 4 of the 7 40 Days for Life campaigns. So grateful to all who have worked tirelessly from inside and outside to close the mill!!
21 years ago today in my fear and ignorance you died in my abortion. I didn't know then what I know now. Sweet girl, the day you died is also the day you went to heaven. Though your mother had forsaken you, the Lord received you!(Psalm 27:10)One day(soon and very soon!)you will run to me. You will run to me and I will finally hold you in my arms. Until then, my love I will grieve with hope and long for that glorious day when I behold my precious Savior and my precious daughter.
I am so proud of my husband and eldest son who marched at the front with the banner for the Pregnancy Center!! Someone stopped me after the parade to say, "There should be thousands of us marching with you!!" That would be nice.
The Justice Foundation and Operation Outcry were part of a truly historic moment in Texas this past week. The Texas Sonogram Bill was signed by Governor Rick Perry and ladies of Operation Outcry and I were invited to be part of the signing ceremony. Go here to find out more and to see pictures and video from the ceremony. I want to personally contact you to say thank you. Thank you from my heart because we could not do what we need to do without your support. For the ladies of Operation Outcry that were present at the signing, this was another level of healing for them.
They now know the law requires that women be given the chance to make an informed decision, an opportunity they were not granted.
I'm tired. I'm tired of reading the absolute hatred others have for post abortive women. The anger and rage and contempt for those that abort. I have been on the receiving end of it enough. I know the enemy I am fighting. I WILL STAND with those that take the risk to get help after hearing how worthless they are as human beings for aborting. NO ONE is beyond the saving mercy and grace of Christ.
It hurts. It hurts to read the ugliness over and over and over and I long to take these women by the hand that are staying silent and in bondage. Are they not daughters of the King? The woman that aborted on Friday....is she not HIS?? Is he not weeping over her today? Longing to not have this distance between them?
It is only LOVE that led me back to Him!! I know it's hard. I know it is hard to understand and fathom and wonder WHY WHY WHY??? WHY do women have abortions? Jesus knows. The woman at the well and the woman caught in adultery saw in His face something they had NEVER experienced from anyone else.
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. Psalm18:19
Thank you for taking the time to share your views with me.
I appreciate knowing of your concerns regarding Planned Parenthood organizations receiving Federal funds. Title X of the Public Health Services Act provides grants to public and private nonprofit agencies which provide voluntary family planning services, including natural planning methods and supplies, infertility services, and basic gynecologic care. I support Title X funding because I believe that it is in the best interest of our nation to take steps to promote preventive health care such as cancer screenings, breast exams, and HIV testing, as well as to reduce the occurrence of unwanted pregnancies. Grantees include state and local health departments, hospitals, and organizations such as Planned Parenthood. No Title X money can be used to provide abortion services.
On February 17, 2011, Representative Mike Pence (R-IN) introduced an amendment, H.AMDT.95, to H.R. 1, the Full-Year Continuing Appropriations Act, which would block all federal funding of Planned Parenthood. This amendment was agreed to by a vote of 240 to 185 and, on February 19, 2011, the House passed H.R. 1 by a vote of 235 to 189. The Senate voted on H.R. 1 on March 9, 2011. The bill was not agreed to by a vote of 44 to 56.
Thank you again for taking the time to contact me. I will keep in mind your concerns should the Senate consider legislation affecting Title X funding in the future.
I have been a moderator at Jill Stanek's for almost 3 years. Always an education when I jump on a thread and have a conversation. I have read so many comments from pro aborts about my abortion story but the following would have to take the cake so far!! My answers are in bold.
So Carla has had an abortion, or was she just saying that to prove a point? Because if so, what makes you think that you are so special that YOU deserve to get an abortion while all other women with unwanted pregnancies don’t deserve one? Your sense of entitlement is shocking.
My abortion was the most horrifying experience of my life. We are not talking about a trip to Disney World for goodness sakes!
Oh and my daughter who died in my abortion? She deserved to live.
Carla, thank you for sharing your story. I watched the video of you at Faith Community Church on your blog. I think it is very sad that you got an abortion when that wasn’t the right choice for you. That being said, what is right for you is not right for everyone. And you know yourself better than you know anyone else, so if you made the wrong choice for yourself, how can you expect that you would make the right choice for other people? No one forced you to choose abortion, and I am sorry if you regret it, but you chose it and other women have that same right of choice. Just because abortion was the wrong choice for you, doesn’t mean it is the wrong choice for everyone.
Thank you for watching my story. It means a lot to me that you did!!
And I have to ask you again how in the world I would know that abortion was WRONG for me(in addition to how wrong it was for my baby girl)until I went through with it? There was no one in my life telling me anything different. The mill certainly wasn’t interested in showing me the truth and I was in crisis. If I had known then(20 years ago)what I know now…………..
Do you always know how things will turn out before you do them?
In my case you must not have been paying very close attention. I never had a pregnancy test or an ultrasound. I was lied to by omission when told IT was just a bunch of cells. I was 10 weeks along!!! Later on I miscarried my 2nd child into my hand and saw a tiny fully formed human baby! Not a bunch of red circles.
Google fetal development at 10 weeks. Go on. I know you want to.
How is it choice when women aren’t given informed consent, are pressured by those around them to abort, coerced by lies, forced by boyfriends or abandoned to “do whatever you think is right for you?”
It’s not. It is not choice when one is left with no choice.
Abortion was more than “the wrong choice” for me.(I made a wrong choice today to leave my mittens at home.) One more time. I was pregnant when I walked into that mill. My daughter’s tiny body was suctioned through a vacuum tube and put in a bottle to be pieced back together. She died that day. I left her there. I walked out a very wounded woman and still a mother.
Why in the world would I NOT tell others that abortion hurts women? Abortion kills children. Abortion will never solve, help, heal or empower.
Oh and just food for thought here when speaking or writing and you say I’m sorry BUT….it cancels out the I’m sorry.
If you have had an abortion and are struggling or know of someone who is please get in touch with me. My deepest pain has become my greatest passion.
I pray that God continue to provide opportunities for me to share my story of abortion and healing. If you are so inclined to donate and support what God is doing in my life I would appreciate it! Thank you so much!
All personal poetry and letters written to my daughter Aubrey are the intellectual property of Carla Stream. They cannot be used or plagairized by anyone else.