Monday, September 5, 2016
26 years ago today I paid someone to take the life of my first child. I will grieve my daughter. I will grieve with hope because I will see her again.
Thank you Lord for your forgiveness and healing after abortion. For you never ending grace and mercy over me. For leading me out of the darkness and into the light. For blessing me with a family that loves and knows and understands. Thank you also Lord for post abortive friends who know the lifelong burden. And other mommies who have lost children and turn to You for comfort in their sorrow and grieve with hope right along with me.
I love you, Aubrey. I am yours and you are mine.
Saturday, March 26, 2016
A couple of years ago my daughter Sarah started coming with me to the Good Friday Prayer Vigil at the Planned Parenthood in St. Paul, MN. Her first time I explained that on the other side of the barricade there were those that were proabortion. That they sometimes yelled things when they saw my I Regret My Abortion sign.
Sarah said, "I can hold it for you, Mom."
Friday, September 11, 2015
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Saturday, November 15, 2014
It is something I did. It is not who I am. My abortion does not define me. God defines me.
Now more than anything I want people to know the truth about abortion. I want women and men that are in bondage to the aftermath to find forgiveness and freedom in Christ. From the darkness to the light. I want others to see how God has used my experience to bring glory to Him! He redeems the pain of my past! He restores to me the years that the locusts have eaten! He brings beauty from ashes! I will finally be healed when I meet Him face to face. I will carry the regret for the rest of my days as a consequence of that choice. I will continue to share my experience in whatever way pleases Him.
It is not only my story. It is His.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Friday, June 6, 2014
I also had the privilege of being contacted by post abortive moms through the blog. They emailed me and called me and texted me. I tried to find resources for abortion recovery in their areas and am happy to learn that so many have found healing in Christ!!
Jill has been a mentor/friend for so long and I must admit that it isn't easy to leave what has become a very special place for me. But I know that it isn't really goodbye. :)
I wrote a blog post for Jill and you will find it here.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
I wrote about this experience that happened to me last Saturday. It has not been an easy week but since writing has always been cathartic for me I expressed my thoughts and feelings here and my dear friend Jill Stanek posted it.
I continue to tell my story. I continue to reach out to post abortive women or those in the valley of decision. I continue to moderate Jill's blog. I continue to chase my four children like a lunatic and find joy in the journey. I will go where the Lord calls me to go and I will never stop telling others that abortion hurts women.
And just so you know how very serious plagiarism is I give you this.
According to the Modern Language Association plagiarism "is the act of using another person's ideas or expressions in your writing without acknowledging the source...In short, to plagiarize is to give the impression that you have written or thought something that you have in fact borrowed from someone else."
Every year for my high school students they have to read the rules and consequences about plagiarism. They have to sign and so do I. They understand that if they copy something and give the impression that they wrote it they risk failing that class!
I am sure my little old nothing blog was easy enough to lift some lines from. I mean nobody would know right? It's just a love letter tucked away in the interwebs. Well this mother knew. This mother knew the words of love she penned to her own daughter. Replacing my Aubrey's name with her son's name was blatant. And hurtful. And I don't believe that Hannah Rose Allen even knows or understands that.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
This is my friend Kelly Peterson. She passed away on October 9th of this year. She fought cancer valiantly.
Kelly was very special to me for so many reasons. When I met Kelly she told me about her 2 abortions and I felt a great respect and admiration for her. She attended my church and I was no longer alone!! She was one of the first in my church family to be honest about her experience. We spoke together at UW-Madison with Operation Outcry. She stood with me and our I Regret My Abortion signs when Obama came to St. Paul. We shared our abortion stories because we believed that maybe others would NOT make the same devastating choice.
Kelly will always be with me. Her strength and faith are such an inspiration. She has passed the torch to me in the prolife movement. Praying I can fight the good fight. Just as she did!!
I love you and miss you Kelly.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
We get a lot of thumbs up and honks and waves of encouragement. A trucker rolled down his window today and yelled, "Good for you! Give em hell!" Will do.
But there is also the middle fingers, the swearing, the yelling. One woman today flipped me off and was yelling obscenities with her windows rolled up. If that doesn't speak to post abortive rage I don't know what does. I smiled and waved.
A young woman pulled in the driveway and she hesitated as I held out the pamphlets. She went in with her friend even though I asked her to come talk to me. They came out soon after. I smiled and waved.
There were no PP escorts out there at all today. I really wanted to talk to some. I wanted to chat.
A staff meeting must have been going on because all of the others that drove in were employees. I smiled and waved.
This is my new gig. My newest antics in the prolife movement. It seems fruitless at times but I may never know what my sign means to someone else.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Shame on you who call us murderers. Shame on you who condemn a grieving mother who regrets her abortion. You are hurting the very women I am trying to reach!! We have a right to grieve our children and will do so without the support of certain "prolifers."
And just how many post abortive women have you led to the forgiveness of Jesus Christ by calling them murderers? Your lack of grace and mercy is nauseating. Truly.
Thankful today that the Holy Spirit convicts and Jesus rescues His daughters from the darkness that abortion brings.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I have been told that she is in purgatory and I have to pray her into heaven and she is praying me to heaven as well.
I have been told that she will face her abortionist one day and have words with him.
I have been told that to write letters to her is communicating with the dead.
I have been told that she is angry with me and I have to wait to ask her forgiveness and see if she will forgive me.
I believe none of the above. One of the most precious books I have ever read is I'll Hold You in Heaven by Jack Hayford. God's truth about Aubrey allows me to grieve with hope.
Aubrey is in heaven. She is seeing God's face. She loves me. She is waiting for me. I am her mommy and she is my daughter. She will run to me one day.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
I have never seen the turnout that we had yesterday! 3200 faithful prolifers were there throughout the day praying for the end of abortion, praying for healing and forgiveness after abortion, for the PP supporters that were there and also for the mommies that came for their abortions. One baby and mommy were saved from abortion!!
My daughter Sarah came with me and a also a couple of friends. I had already told Sarah that I would be carrying my sign and people sometimes say stupid things to me. She said she would carry my I Regret My Abortion sign for me. :)
The building is massive. The biggest mill I have ever seen with my own eyes. It made my heart ache just to be there and I felt an immediate heaviness. Walking by those that are proabortion just felt ugly and dark and nasty. I held my sign and so many averted their eyes from mine and continued their chanting. "Pro! Pro! Choice! Choice!" Bleh. I prayed for them in their deception.
My God is bigger than that building. The God I love was watching over us and hearing our prayers. I was so encouraged by the turnout and the fact that I just might be sidewalk counseling out there someday!
My daughter Aubrey would have been 21 years old this month. I Regret My Abortion.
Friday, March 9, 2012
The place was packed with people.
Everything was stark. White floors and walls. Hard, plastic chairs.
The workers there were rude.
I did not have an ultrasound.
I never heard the heartbeat.
I was shown a video of a bunch of red circles. I was told it was "just a bunch of cells."
I was asked by the counselor, "Will that be Visa or MasterCard today? It cost $250.
The abortionist never introduced himself. He didn't acknowledge me in any way.
I was yelled at by the assistant.
Girls were crying all around me in the recovery room.
I had peanut butter and jelly toast.
I had no idea of the years of pain and shame and guilt that would follow.
My abortion was in 1990. In conversations with others I have been told, "Abortions aren't like that anymore."
The walls are painted, the furniture comfy and cozy. ALL risks are discussed and the patient is asked if she is sure about it. Ultrasounds are routinely performed before an abortion.(Whether women are allowed to see them is another matter) The staff are nice and friendly. The abortionists are nice and talk with you. Abortion doulas are provided in some places and a recovery package(with condoms!)is sometimes given out. The price is around $400.
In these conversations it doesn't take long to realize that the other person wants to convince me and herself that abortions in this "day and age" are now safer, better, and more empowering than ever before.
Doesn't matter though does it? The place could be named The Happy Rainbows and Unicorns Women's Center for Choice Day Spa. All walls could be painted deep, rich, vibrant colors. The furniture lovely and inviting. The plants lush and green. The air smelling beautifully of burning, scented candles. The staff smiley and helpful, kind and caring. The abortionist a sweet, talkative, supportive guy. The ultrasound of the baby explained in detail. A massage, pedicure and Chai Tea Latte offered afterwards. All girls could leave laughing. Doesn't matter.
The intent of an abortion is to kill. Ending the life of an innocent preborn human being is the result of an abortion. One dead, one wounded.
Dress it up anyway you would like. Abortion kills.
Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Our babies are safe and we honor them and love them and will someday hold them in heaven. Aubrey, Jamie, Lee, Faith, Matthew, Hannah, Sherman, Daniel, Trinity, Jody Marie, Zacheray, Amaria, Benjamin.
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
"Imagine, for a second, that you are going in for surgery to have your appendix removed, and nobody actually says the word "appendix" or mentions that the goal is to take it out of you; instead, the whole thing is so wrapped in euphemism that you can't quite tell what it is the doctors plan to remove, or why. Would someone choosing an appendectomy under those circumstances really be making a free choice? Why, then, do we insist that the only way a woman can make a free choice to have an abortion is if we never actually talk about what she's having removed and killed?"
"But the truth is, most people who support abortion think women should be able to choose to kill their unborn offspring without ever having to contemplate what it is they are actually doing. If women began to see the unborn human inside them for the unique, alive, child he or she is, it would be a lot harder to give the kill order. And that would have repercussions on our society's mad addiction to sex without consequences. To protect that obsession, we're perfectly willing to keep women in the dark about what they're actually doing when they enter an abortion clinic pregnant, and come out the mother of a dead child."
-- Erin Manning, author of http://redcardigan.blogspot.com/
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
The Justice Foundation
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
It hurts. It hurts to read the ugliness over and over and over and I long to take these women by the hand that are staying silent and in bondage. Are they not daughters of the King?
The woman that aborted on Friday....is she not HIS?? Is he not weeping over her today? Longing to not have this distance between them?
It is only LOVE that led me back to Him!! I know it's hard. I know it is hard to understand and fathom and wonder WHY WHY WHY??? WHY do women have abortions? Jesus knows. The woman at the well and the woman caught in adultery saw in His face something they had NEVER experienced from anyone else.
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. Psalm18:19
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thank you for taking the time to share your views with me.
I appreciate knowing of your concerns regarding Planned Parenthood organizations receiving Federal funds. Title X of the Public Health Services Act provides grants to public and private nonprofit agencies which provide voluntary family planning services, including natural planning methods and supplies, infertility services, and basic gynecologic care. I support Title X funding because I believe that it is in the best interest of our nation to take steps to promote preventive health care such as cancer screenings, breast exams, and HIV testing, as well as to reduce the occurrence of unwanted pregnancies. Grantees include state and local health departments, hospitals, and organizations such as Planned Parenthood. No Title X money can be used to provide abortion services.
On February 17, 2011, Representative Mike Pence (R-IN) introduced an amendment, H.AMDT.95, to H.R. 1, the Full-Year Continuing Appropriations Act, which would block all federal funding of Planned Parenthood. This amendment was agreed to by a vote of 240 to 185 and, on February 19, 2011, the House passed H.R. 1 by a vote of 235 to 189. The Senate voted on H.R. 1 on March 9, 2011. The bill was not agreed to by a vote of 44 to 56.
Thank you again for taking the time to contact me. I will keep in mind your concerns should the Senate consider legislation affecting Title X funding in the future.
United States Senator
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The cause of any and every woman’s pain after abortion is that your baby died in your abortion. A child was conceived and you had been pregnant and every mom out there KNOWS this. There is no way to explain away the fact that a woman is pregnant with a growing, fully alive human child when she walks into an abortion clinic and that the life of her child is ended by the time you walk out that door. In fact your child’s body was torn to pieces and then pieced back together to make sure that the “uterine contents” were removed.
When that realization hits that you paid for the death of your innocent, growing child there can be a facing of that truth. Once you face it head on you can find hope and healing. Facing the truth brings you out of denial and the healing can begin.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
If you have had an abortion you regret and are in need of help, I am thinking of you this Christmas season. You are always on my mind but this season as family gets together I think of you and wonder if you are remembering a child that might be alive today that might have joined you and held that special spot in your family had they lived.
I think of you and wonder if you have reached out for help yet. If you regret your abortion there is help and hope and healing for you. There are women that have been where you are and are waiting to help you. I am waiting to help you.
I am a woman that has been through an abortion experience that I deeply regret and grieve the baby that died that day. I understand what you may be thinking or feeling. I have been there. I know too well the realization of what I paid for in my fear and desperation. I found my way out of the darkness and so can you. You are not alone.
I am imploring you right now to reach out. You need only Google abortion recovery, call your nearest PRC or email me. God has placed it on my heart to be here for you. To hold out my hand to you and walk with you on the journey of abortion recovery. I can hardly bear the thought that you are suffering in silence like I did.
My prayer for you is that God gives you the strength to find Him – that He would help you realize how precious you are to Him. You are His daughter. Nothing you have done is beyond His forgiveness, beyond His grace. He is waiting for you to draw near to Him.
If you find yourself struggling after your abortion, please reach out. God bless you and yours this Christmas season.
I love you,
P.S. – The stockings pictured above are hung with care every year. Aubrey died in my abortion. Jamie and Lee were miscarried. They have their own special place in our family.
Jill Stanek allowed me to share my heart this season with this post.