Caroling for Life

Singing carols about the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ outside of an abortion mill is truly an amazing experience!!   We proclaimed the Good News to those who were going in and coming out and to the Planned Parenthood escorts! There was a mom and a daughter there near the driveway with a bullhorn. They held signs about how Abortion is Fine!  As we sang they screamed and shrieked lyrics to Taylor Swift songs.  Sounded more like a choir of demons.  And here's the thing......they were causing so much commotion which DETERS women from driving in!!
Thank you Lord!! 

On the Sidewalk

 

Aubrey

 

32 years ago today. I chose abortion in total fear.

I named that precious baby Aubrey. She will always be my daughter. I will always be her mother. I will take the time today to feel what I am feeling.

The grief. The loss.

I will cling to the God who forgives and saves and redeems.

The joy. The hope.

I would not be who I am today without going through all that I have been through.

There are babies that have been saved because I tell our story and women who have found forgiveness and freedom in Christ after their abortions because I facilitate a post abortive Bible study.

He has been so very good to me!!

I remember the days of old;

I meditate on all that you have done;

I ponder the work of your hands. Psalm 143:5

I am one year closer to our reunion sweet girl.

I love you,

Mommy

Law of the Land?? HA!

THE SUPREME COURT HAS SPOKEN!!
ROE V WADE HAS BEEN OVERTURNED!!  
And now states will decide what they would like to do with the issue of child murder.  

Our prayers have been answered!!

BUT Please do not believe the lies and the fear mongering from those that are proabortion. I'm really not sure WHY they carry on so. It is all they have. Lies and deception.

Removal of an ectopic pregnancy is NOT an abortion.

Early induction to save the life of a mother is NOT an abortion.

Medical intervention in the case of a miscarriage is NOT an abortion.

The INTENT of those interventions is to SAVE.

The INTENT of an abortion is to brutally KILL an innocent fully alive and growing innocent human being.

Intent is everything.

Love Them Both

This precious little girl turns 1 year old today!!  Her mommy was 14 weeks along and messaged me from Kenya.  She had found an illegal abortionist at the same time she found my story of abortion regret.  We talked back and forth. I offered her everything I wanted before my abortion. Help. Hope. Support. She chose life and Jasmine is growing so fast!!

Speaking the Truth!

 So grateful to God for the opportunity to tell my story of abortion and forgiveness at Celebration Community Church in Celebration, FL.  My former pastor was instrumental in helping me begin the journey of healing after abortion.  He BOLDLY declared the truth about the intentional killing of innocent human beings made in the image of God via abortion.  He also spoke of God's forgiveness. No one is beyond the saving grace of Jesus Christ.  

Hi Mel!!

This is my friend Melissa Ohden.

She survived the abortion attempt meant to end her life.(When the baby isn't killed it is called a "failed abortion." Because the intent of an abortion is to kill)

BUT GOD......is a God of hope and healing.

I have read her book You Carried Me at least 3 times. She is not alone btw. There are MANY abortion survivors and THAT is what Melissa's next book is about! Can't wait to read it!

Keep going girl! Keep telling your story. That the world made put a face to the evil that is abortion!!

Tactics

 Disclaimer

These are my thoughts and observations. I will not argue with you. You are free to disagree with me.

There are tactics being used. To get people to take the jab. And I now see the parallels between that and how women are treated before an abortion. Hear me out. Hear what I am saying. Read it again. I am not equating the jab with abortion. But someone will absolutely say that I am. And as a woman who has had an abortion...I do know the difference.

There is a narrative of a brighter outcome.

It's just a simple procedure. It's easy. Quick. Painless. Safe. You can get on with your life. Think about the life you want in the future. Think about the lives of others. For the good of them.

There is the narrative of fear. A scenario to rush.

Do this soon. Do this now. Don't wait. It will be worse if you wait.

Just do it. Today. Right now.

There is a narrative of coercion. You will never finish college. You won't be a good mother. Think of your future. Your future children. You will lose your job. Your income. Your livelihood.

There is no informed consent with abortion. There are flat out LIES told to women. Lies of omission. And I have tried to do research into all of the jabs, side effects, long term outcomes.......my head spins at what I know and don't know.

Some scenarios sound eerily familiar to me. Nurses sobbing while submitting to the jab they don't want. Women on the table sobbing, submitting to the abortion they don't want. The anger from those who disagree!! We are flipped off and sworn at as we stand against abortion outside on the sidewalk. Just as we are as we stand against mandates with signs that say Consent Not Coercion or Unmask Our Kids. One man called a group of women and a little girl the C WORD! As parents were walking their children into an elementary school!

And maybe all of the above is why I feel so uneasy. So sickened by what is happening, how this is all playing out. And how dark and evil it feels. And why my voice raises and I feel it in my whole being when discussing this with my husband.

Some of us want to be discerning. Some of us want and need the time to use wisdom. For ourselves and for our children.

There are narratives being used. What are the reasons?

Why the fear? Why the rush? Why the coercion? The incentives?

TO WHAT END??

 One year ago I received a message on facebook. A desperate mother in Kenya who had found an abortionist but also found my story of abortion regret. She didn't want an abortion. She wanted help and hope and support. I offered that and her beautiful Jasmine is now 7 months old!! Look at that precious little face!! I messaged back and forth with that mother yesterday.

September 5th. 31 years ago to the day that I made the worst decision of my life by aborting my first child. She thanked me and thanked God for me that I was there for her in a "really confusing time."

I spent much of my day doing the things I had on my list of things to do. But I knew what was coming. Feel what I was feeling. I finished reading the book Tilly which paints a glorious picture of the reunion God has planned for me. I brought some flowers to the baby stone in the backyard. I prayed. I cried. I spoke aloud to Aubrey. I love you. I miss you. I will see you soon. You are my girl.

And I remembered what God has done in my life since September 5th, 1990. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for Him.

Abortion is lifelong. To those of us who have found healing in Jesus after abortion, we carry our burden of regret together. We grieve together and face the future together. We do what God calls us to do. Tell others of what He has done. Speak the truth to counter the lies of the abortion industry. Lead others to the hope and healing that we have found.

I will give God all of the glory and honor and praise due Him as He has delivered me from the darkness. My story is really His story of rescue, redemption and restoration.

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

I will consider all your works

and meditate on all your mighty deeds.

Psalm77:11-12

Babygirl

This is Mary who was contemplating abortion and found an abortionist even though it is illegal in Kenya. She found my abortion story of regret online and messaged me when she was 14 weeks along. AND HERE IS HER PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRL!! Thank you Lord!! Baby girl is named Jasmine to go along with siblings Jeremy, Jude and Joy and daddy Justus. Thank you for praying!!

And thank you to those who gave yesterday!! Mary said to thank you too!!

I will never shut up about the death and destruction abortion brings. becauseTHIS

TRUTH

 If abortion DIDN'T brutally end the life of an innocent human being, I wouldn't care. But it does. And I do. -Carla Stream

SFL

When we decided to homeschool this year I ordered curriculum and opened boxes like Christmas. Nathan's American History book arrived and as I glanced through it, this was the first picture I saw. Students for Life of America at the March for Life! Of course the tears started and I thanked God that we chose wisely in education and books full of TRUTH.

My Mary

Mary, my new friend from Kenya who chose life is 20 WEEKS!!

We try to message each other everyday. My morning is her evening.

Choose Life

 

My son and his friends saw these Prolife Across America signs. Real Men Love Babies. Life begins at conception. Defend Life. Life begins at conception. You can see what someone with hate(murderous rage) in their hearts did to the signs. Spray painting over a baby's face.

My son and his friends had a prolife sign, talked to the man of the house and placed their sign underneath.

PROLIFE VOICE FOR THE VOICELESS!!

The date will come like it always does. My body remembers the trauma long before I acknowledge it. September 5th, 1990.

Tomorrow marks 30 years since the abortion of my precious daughter, Aubrey. The grief never goes but I do not grieve as those with no hope. (1 Thess 4:13)

Before I could even ask God to help me through the day I received a facebook message from Kenya. A young, pregnant mom with 3 children had been contemplating abortion. Even though abortion is illegal in Kenya, she made an appointment with someone who could do it. She found my story of abortion regret online and messaged me. I messaged her back and offered her support, encouragement, help and hope. She gave me all of her reasons for seeking to end her child's life. I countered with truth. I prayed and prayed and God heard and answered. She chose life!! She messaged, "I am so happy!!" I have received photos of her beautiful family and her growing baby, now 17 weeks!!

And THAT is what my God does. He RESCUES, REDEEMS and RESTORES!! THAT is how God uses my deepest regret. Amen.

Please pray for Mary, her husband Justus, and children Jeremy, Jude and Joy. With her permission(we message each other everyday)I am sharing pictures of her beautiful family!!

I will be away from this place for a couple of days.

Pondering. Feeling what I feel.

How I could possibly love God MORE and when can I get to Kenya?? 

 

Standing for Life

At one point there were 14 of us out there!! Praying against the evil, asking God to save!!

A young man brought his sister. She had lied to him about her appointment. She was going in for an abortion and he was trying to call her. Praying that God saved the life of his niece or nephew.

I am grateful for those that stand with me. And grateful that my God saves. Saves those that chose life yesterday that we don't even know about

Choose Life!

I had a dream the other night that I chose LIFE instead of abortion. LIFE instead of DEATH! I was given what I was denied at the abortion mill. I got to see the ultrasound of my baby! I got to hear that little heartbeat! I yellled, "NO NO NO!" at the staff and left. I felt the same fear and anxiety and uncertainty turn to RELIEF and JOY as people wanted to help me and come alongside of me! They offered me EVERYTHING I needed. EVERYTHING I wanted.
This dream was truly a gift to me as I got a glimpse of what it feels like to be surrounded by strangers when in great need. Turning from the darkness to light. Choosing the best for myself and my daughter. A glimpse of what it must feel like for those that do indeed choose life!
There are women choosing life today!
I know that in eternity I will be made whole. NO MORE grief or pain or tears forever and ever. Amen. Thank you Lord!

29

The grief after abortion never goes.
Not on this side of heaven. And I accept that.
My daughter would be here had I made the best decision I could have made. I could have let her live.
By the end of April there is always the sadness. I have to stop and remember that my girl would have been born sometime in April. The tears shall fall today in sorrow and gratitude for what God has done.
My Aubrey would have been 29 years old this month.

Sweetheart,
Another year closer to you. The longing for you grows. I am so grateful to God that He has you with Him. And that one day we will be together for eternity. Until then I will honor your life and your memory by continuing to share our story.
I love you so much,
Mommy

Grace

If you are sharing anything on facebook etc about those that have chosen abortion please don't allow condemnation. Moderate the thread. Don't let those comments go without bringing the truth to bear that our enemy is satan. Not those that are deceived.

We are all sinners and some of us(me)have come to Christ because of our brokenness after abortion. Post abortive men and women who have found healing are some of the prolife movement's loudest voices in sharing the devastation of abortion and our healing in Christ.

I was never brought to repentance by being called a "baby killer, a murderer, a slut or a whore."

He forgives!!! He is the only reason I am still here.

BUT I RECEIVED MERCY for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.1 Timothy 1:16

Jill!

Such a JOY to be with my best Jill Stanek again and introduce her!! Jill came to tell her story at Options for Women-River Falls!! So great to walk down memory lane of moderating her blog! 

TRUTH

If you're against abortion, don't have one.
If you're against slavery, don't own a slave.
If you're against child abuse, don't abuse a child.
If you're against rape, don't rape anyone.
If you're against sex trafficking, don't traffic anyone.

I mean, that's what we do with human injustices, right? We don't fight against them. We're supposed to just mind our own business when somebody else is being harmed or killed.

RIGHT?
-Kel Kopetz

My Daughter

Living with the truth after abortion. 
I will admit there are days when I wish it wasn't part of my story. But it is. God has redeemed so much!! I will face into the truth about my daughter, Aubrey who died in my abortion on September 5th, 1990.
Had I chosen life, she would have been 28 years old this month.

Proabortion

No you are not prochoice.
If you are prochoice on abortion you are proabortion. You are FOR abortion. If you voted NO to offer newborns who are born alive after abortion life saving care you are proinfanticide.
Proabortion. Proinfanticide.
Own it. Own what you support.

"Oh Carla nobody is FOR abortion!!"
Um. Look around. Take a good look at those laughing, smiling, clapping and patting themselves on the back while they support and encourage and sign legislation on abortion through ALL 9 MONTHS OF PREGNANCY and death for newborns. Abortionists who commit abortions are certainly FOR abortion. Women yelling, screaming and marching for ABORTION ON DEMAND and WITHOUT APOLOGY are also FOR abortion. And to those that keep telling me they are prochoice but never stop talking about how AWESOME abortion is....you are proabortion.

How Could Any Woman Abort Her Own Child?

When you are completely alone and everyone in your life offers no help or hope or support only abortion. When you believe you don't have a choice. When you believe EVERY single lie at the abortion mill about "clumps of cells" and "getting on with your life" and "quick, simple and painless." When you are never shown the ultrasound or allowed to hear that little heartbeat. When you are shown a video of a clump of red circles at 10 weeks along and told that is what your baby looks like. When you were NEVER told about the blood loss, the risk of breast cancer and miscarriage, the guilt and shame or lifelong regret, the drinking and anxiety and nightmares. When you deliver your second child into your hand at 10 weeks along and see THE TRUTH for yourself. 
How could I do such a thing? I am a human being and I made a horrible choice. And I have to carry it. 
But I will NEVER stop telling my story because women have chosen life because I told the truth of my experience. And women have found healing in Christ because I have led them to post abortive recovery. 

You Are Needed

In 2008 I contacted the Director of the River Falls Pregnancy Helpline. I wanted to be a liaison between them and my church. I wanted to know their needs and desires and how could we partner with them. Why? 
Because pregnancy centers do God's work. They are the hands and feet of Jesus to women and men who need them. They hold back those staggering toward slaughter. They offer to women EVERYTHING I wanted before my abortion. And they offer it for FREE. 
I have helped coordinate volunteers and assisted with baby bottle fundraisers, kept my church family aware of parades and banquets and opportunities to serve.
Here's a quick story. When the Pregnancy Helpline became Options for Women and moved to a new location they prayed for an ultrasound machine. FCC did the baby bottle fundraiser and when they were told that 80% of women choose life after seeing the ultrasound they stepped up. We raised $45,000 for the ultrasound machine. I stood in that room and stared at that beautiful machine and cried. Tears of joy for the mothers that would see the truth. And tears of sorrow for having been denied that opportunity to see my baby before my abortion.
WHAT IF every church reached out to their nearest pregnancy center and came alongside the life saving work they do? WHAT IF you are that liaison?
Think about it.

Champion for Life

I was honored and grateful to receive this award by my former roommate Jill.  Jill drove me to my abortion appointment and waited for me all day.  We went our separate ways and we both found our voices about how abortion affected us. 
Thank you Gianna Jessen for being such an amazing speaker!! 

28 Years Ago

September 5th, 1990. The day I aborted my first child, Aubrey. 28 years ago today.
| journaled, I prayed, I bought flowers for the baby stone in the backyard, I opened the card and gift from my beloved husband. I asked God to please show me how he redeems this pain. I asked Him to help me bear it.
I received a photo of a beautiful 3 year old boy and want to share with you his story. Before he was born his mother considered abortion. She lived in another country and I was added to a facebook message with her and other post abortive moms who regret their abortions. We told her we were there for her and loved her and her child and we wanted to help. We told her our stories of the pain and grief and the lifelong regret that abortion brings. I added my friend to the conversation that lived in her country and ran a pregnancy center near this precious momma. And she chose life!! I get updates from her and get to watch this beautiful little boy grow!!
I would have had no story to tell this pregnant mom if I hadn't gone through it myself. And God knows that. He sees me. He knows me. He knows what my heart needs before I can even express it. He heard and He answered.
Oh how He loves me!

I love you Aubrey. My longing and my love for you continue to grow. I will one day be with you in heaven sweet girl.
Love,
Mom

Do Something!!

It is one thing to be horrified and angered by abortion and ALL the evil it brings. The absolute barbaric TRUTH of it. ALL of the death and destruction it has wrought.

It is quite another to be moved enough to ask yourself, "What am I going to do about it?"

Standing for Life

17.
17 babies lose their lives here in St. Paul, MN daily.
An entire kindergarten class dies.

We stood and prayed and witnessed. There were honks and waves of support. And then middle fingers, cuss words and my personal favorite, "GET A JOB!" (I have one thank you very much) And it always begs the question, "What is your experience with abortion?"
I mean you are stirred up obviously and the hatred and anger in your heart was already there before you ever saw me and yelled at me to EFF OFF!
This sweet pregnant momma came out to pray. 3 little ones witnessing. Perfect.
Quite a few coming and going today. Stacy the sidewalk counselor got info into the hands of many!! May that bear fruit Lord!

Reality

There are certain truths that I have to live with being a post abortive mom. Yes I know that I am saved. And forgiven. Yes I know where my Aubrey is. Yes I know we will be together again. And I know that God is good. I know that He has her. He has always had her. He will always have her. I know it is all at the cross.
There are still anniversaries that roll around. The day that I found out I was pregnant. The day I made an appointment. The day of my abortion. The spring time when she would have been born. The years go by. As much as the abortion industry would have us believe that abortion is GOOD for women the hard truth never goes. The grief and loss remain. Until that one day when ALL will be made right. No more pain. No more tears or sorrow. No more. 

With all that being said I will acknowledge and carry this.
My Aubrey would have been 27 years old last month.

March for Life 2018 St. Paul, MN

From the Sidewalk

I got inspired last night and made a new sign. I noticed the women going in and out and reading it. 
Yes it's cold. But we stay warm. And the baby parts truck(medical waste)comes and takes my babies away. 
I will call them mine. I will mourn them. 
We got yelled at and flipped off and lectured. One woman stated, "You have no right to be here pretending that you are better than anyone else! I will pray to God that he opens your eyes!!" But there are always thumbs up and waves and honks of support. One kind soul handed out cups of coffee.
Praying that hearts and minds were changed today. Praying that lives were saved.
God bless those that go with me, those that sidewalk counsel and those who pray for us.

Save the Storks

Save the Storks reposted my story.

Passion for Life Banquet

The banquet went really well!! The truth of my abortion experience must be told. The truth of hope and healing after abortion must be told. There was an audible gasp as I introduced the roommate that drove me to my abortion. She is now the Executive Director of Lakes Life Care Center!! 
God is good! He is so good! My heart is full. 

27

27 years ago today I aborted my first child. 
I will feel what I feel and take the time to let the tears fall and remember that grief is work. I will allow my feelings to lead me to Him. The One who has my daughter Aubrey. The One who KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS and HEALS and RESCUES and REDEEMS and RESTORES. I will put some flowers by the baby stone, read the card that my husband bought for me, pray and journal and cry and pray some more. And I will yet praise Him. In gratitude I will praise Him. For the babies that are alive today because I told my story. For the mommies of those babies who will NEVER know what I know. For the post abortive women that walk this journey with me. For the joy set before me in seeing my precious Aubrey one day.
I am closer to you, Aubrey than I was last year. I love you, Mommy

My Story

Live Action posted my story last week! Thank you Kelli Kopetz.  :)


https://www.liveaction.org/news/years-after-abortion-carla-held-miscarried-baby-realized-truth-i-saw-precious-little-face/?utm_content=58539276&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook

Always With Me

And Aubrey was her name,
A not so very ordinary girl or name
But who's to blame?
For a love that wouldn't bloom
For the hearts that never played in tune
Like a lovely melody that everyone can sing,
Take away the words that rhyme it doesn't mean a thing
And Aubrey was her name
We tripped the light and danced together to the moon,
But where was June
No it never came around
If it did it never made a sound,
Maybe I was absent or was listening to fast,
Catching all the words, but then the meaning going past,
But God I miss the girl,
And I'd go a thousand times around the world just to be
Closer to her than to me
And Aubrey was her name,
I never knew her, but I loved her just the same,
I loved her name
Wish that I had found the way
And the reasons that would make her stay
I have learned to lead a life apart from all the rest
If I can't have the one I want, I'll do without the best
But how I miss the girl
And I'd go a million times around the world just to say
She had been mine for a day

Songwriters: David Gates

Aubrey lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, David Gates D/B/A Kipahulu Mu

From the Sidewalk

THANK YOU for praying this morning!! I believe almost 50 of you were praying when I asked you to in my facebook post.

I went with my friends Cathy and Jared.

There were 3 couples going into Planned Parenthood when we got there. Brian Gibson tried giving one couple a pamphlet and a security guard tried grabbing it out of Brian's hand. Brian said he would call the police and the guard kept chiding him about that. We stood and prayed.

So many cars in and out. Always Jimmy John's for lunch. Always the Medical Disposal Systems truck to carry away the broken and bloodied bodies of innocent human beings.

There was one woman that was in the passenger side heading into the parking lot who stared at my sign the whole time. I prayed that a seed of doubt was firmly planted in her mind. That she would turn from abortion.

Every time I go God gives me a song. (No I don't sing out loud)Today it was- I believe in God our Father I believe in Christ the Son I believe in the Holy Spirit Our God is three in One I believe in the resurrection That we will rise again For I believe In the Name of Jesus.

Jared pulled out his phone and shared a message with the PP escorts. "Consider what you are doing. Do not support the shedding of innocent blood." So proud of him!! Pray for the escorts.

I was flipped off at least 3 times.  I smiled and waved and prayed for them.  I was once that angry too. 

A man drove up to explain that we were doing it wrong. That our signs were not effective. That a sign should say THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS. WE ARE HERE TO HELP. I told him maybe God was prompting HIM to make that sign and join us.

A woman drove out of the PP driveway with a big smile and a thumbs up. She pulled over and rolled down her window and said, "I CHANGED MY MIND!! IT'S TWINS!!" ohmyheart I ran up to Jared who was still talking to the man who told us we made no difference. "SHE JUST CHOSE LIFE!! SHE IS CARRYING TWINS!!"

The Lord has us on that sidewalk for His reasons. His purposes. He can work through anyone at anytime and He does what pleases Him. And we are obedient. I have been shaking and crying tears of joy and covered in goosebumps that I got to witness a mom CHOOSE LIFE for herself and her precious babies!!

All glory and honor and praise to you Lord!!
Love in Christ,
Carla

Why the Uproar PP??

"Hey, Planned Parenthood. If the federal funds you receive aren't used for abortion, why would decreasing that funding have any effect on the number of children not aborted?"

Such a great question!! I wish I could give credit where credit is due but I don't know who said it.

DefundPP

Defund Planned Parenthood rally in St. Paul, MN! The nation's 3rd largest PP is located in St. Paul.
Brought some friends and stood for life while praying for an end to taxpayer funded abortion!

One Day

There will come a day when my grandchildren or Lord willing, great grandchildren will ask if I did everything I could do to end abortion. 
And I want to be able to answer, "Yes. Yes I did."

Prayers

The first Wednesday of every month I go to the nation's 3rd largest Planned Parenthood in St. Paul, MN to pray.  I bring friends from my church who would like a ride.  And we pray.  We pray against abortion and we pray for the mothers and fathers driving in.  We pray for the sidewalk counselors speaking words of truth and life. We pray for the escorts and the abortionists and every single worker there that they turn from the evil work they are doing and that God opens their eyes.  We pray for the mothers and fathers that went through with it that they one day find true hope and healing in Jesus Christ.

It is never easy.  I don't want to go but I feel God calling me to go and I will be obedient.


Proverbs 24:11-12
Rescue those being led away to death;
    hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
12 If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”
    does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
    Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?