22 years ago today I was in the valley of decision. I didn't know what to do. I was pregnant, alone and afraid. I walked through the door of the Meadowbrook mill in Minneapolis, MN. You died 22 years ago today in my abortion and I walked out that door emotionally and spiritually wounded.
I miss you. Every year my longing for you grows and I can hardly wait to see you in heaven. You will run to me sweet girl. You will run to me across that meadow of wildflowers and jump into my arms and I will be healed. The waiting and the grief will be over and we will be together for eternity. How I long for that day. You are so beautiful. I imagine your sweet smile. I bet you look at lot like your sister Sarah.
I need you. I need you in my life. Our story has changed hearts and lives Aubrey. I keep telling it and people keep listening. There are children alive today because I have shared. I will never stop telling our story and I am very proud of you for helping to save lives!
I remember you. I remember feeling happy at times that I was pregnant with you. Happy that maybe I could do it. I could have you. I daydreamed awhile about maybe getting my own place and having you. I could not overcome my fear and desperation by myself. Now that I remember you with love God has been healing my heart. I will never forsake my daughter again.
I protect you. People sometimes don't understand the depth of my feelings or the nature of my grief. They simply do not comprehend a mother's love for a child that has died in her abortion. I grieve because I love. In your honor and in your memory I will press on. When they say despicable things about you or your mom it doesn't matter because God has us both. We are what He says we are. His.
I love you. I love you more today than I ever have. My heart is so filled with love for you precious girl. I am so happy to be your mom! You are never far from my thoughts. You are part of my heart, part of my family.
Today I will cry and light a candle. I will buy flowers for us and I will kneel by my baby stone and I will be still. I will cry out to God in my lament and He will hear and answer. He is taking care of you. I know that you love me and that you wait for me and that soon and very soon we will be together.
I will hold you in heaven.
You are mine.
Love,
Mommy
*HUGS* Thank you, as always, for sharing your story and your journey/healing process with everyone!
ReplyDeleteI know that Aubrey could not possibly be prouder of her mother.
ReplyDeleteit's difficult to type when I'm weeping so much, but I know in my heart that Aubrey and my Joshua are together running in that gorgeous meadow, waiting for us. if you have not already heard it, I strongly encourage you to listen to the song, fearfully wonderfully made, by Chris Jackman.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to that day so much.
This is it Carla, this song brought me so much comfort. I'd be willing to bet it's the best 99 cents you ever spend. Love you. Hugz http://www.cdbaby.com/m/cart
ReplyDeleteHi Carla and Heather, my little Elizabeth is playing with Aubrey and Joshua too. We will be with them someday.
ReplyDeleteTears..
ReplyDeleteThank you, Carla, for sharing your story..for sharing your AUBREY with us. Love You.
Beautiful and heartfelt. I can't wait to meet Aubrey either!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story - it is so important that people know. God be with you.
ReplyDelete